Tuesday, September 28, 2004

To God be the glory! Great things He is doing for me!! Today was a great day. I felt hungry several times, and was able to eat within (for the most part) the parameters of hunger. I had a small piece of Sarah's birthday cake -- it was *marvelous*! I didn't have a second piece, or a cupcake, nor did I dig into the candy. Thank You, God! I know He is my will.

Todd and I had the conversation I knew we would have when I got home. I know that through God, I can have a better control of what I spend. He asked that we both pray about an accountability system, so that spending doesn't ever get out of control. I think that's a good idea. It's hard to not have a checkbook, sometimes, because I need gas, or have to do something . . . but on the other hand, it's like carrying a loaded gun around with me. I think perhaps having to trade checkbooks everyday might be an interesting accountability. I don't know. Prayer is definitely the key.

Poor Todd. He works so hard -- I know he does. I know he'd like to feel like he was able to put away a little -- have a little to work with.

God, I really need your help with this. Please show me the way out when I'm tempted to spend beyond _YOUR_ desires, Lord. Thank you.

And praise You for the eating stuff! Let my mind be filled by Your good word! It is satisfying and wonderful. Forget the bread of grain -- give me the Bread of life!


Monday, September 27, 2004

I'm taking steps. Action.

I know how badly I need to resolve the weight issue. It's just so hard! I know that this body is God's temple. I want to live a long, healthy life. I want to play with grandchildren (some very distant day in the future). And while I know that my time on this earth is not guaranteed, I also know that if I maintain my current weight gain, I'm not doing anything but hurting myself and those I love.

I truly believe that the principles of the Weigh Down workshop are sound. And I know that so much of my problem is a heart thing. I don't eat when I'm hungry. Or rather, I don't *just* eat when I'm hungry! I eat when I'm celebrating, when I'm sad, when I'm stressed, when I'm angry . . . get the picture. It isn't pretty, I know.

Weight Watchers is great, but it still doesn't address the "not eating when you're not hungry" issue. Today I've been . . . better. I've had so far:

2 Banana Muffins
2 cups coffee w/FF coffee mate
1 serving of chicken pot pie
10 melba toast crackers
> 1 ice cream bar <
1 piece of cake
2 bottled waters
1 7-up

Hey -- I'm *really* hungry right now, too! I picked up some vitamin B12 at the store. I'm very seriously considering a 5-day liquid fast. It would help shrink my stomach and clear my head. I think I'll use the first five weekdays of the break. I don't think it would be a good idea to start this while I'm dealing with the last week of the quarter! Besides, I really want to be able to pray during this time of fasting.

Lord, You know my heart. You know how much I hate being so overweight. I do want to be a living sacrifice to You. I do want Your love and grace to be reflected in me. And I do want You to be who I turn to with my joys, sorrows, fears, and stresses; not food. Please allow me to have a teachable spirit as I embark, again, on a journey of relearning how to eat. Lord, please keep me humble. Please be my strength and my sustenance. I love you Lord. Praise You for the right desires You give me. Praise You for allowing a means of escape whenever I'm tempted. Lord, please readily call to my mind the Scripture I need to combat my enemy -- my own lustful and gluttonous desires.


Lord, through You, I can do all things. Praise God.